Just a
quick health update - there's no need for responses:
In
anticipation of my next visit to Oasis of Hope for 10 days of Immunotherapy
vaccines tomorrow, I got another PET Scan on Feb 9th in order to gauge my
progress. I'd like to hold off until the physicians have done side-by-side
comparisons with previous reports, but the news is obvious.
Although I
continue to be relieved at (1) having no expansion (metastasis) into any
surrounding organs (especially my brain!) - & no new areas of infiltration,
(2) plus the fact that there has been some decrease in certain areas versus
some increase in other areas; the majority of the cancer lesions continue to
show some continued, but slow, growth.
This is, as
usual, both good news & bad news. No increase in metastasis is HUGE!!! My
cancer is bloodborne, but the fact that I still have my marbles is quite a
relief! It could, in theory, catch on fire at any minute (& I continue to
hear horror stories with exactly that result!), but I'm keeping it under
control for now. THAT'S the heavy side of the see-saw. When, & IF, that
changes, I'll begin to disappear; but, for now, that's not on the table. I'm
aware of it, but it doesn't drive me. However, my goal is also to be able to
curtail any further growth of the life-threatening cancer cell areas that I
have... & that's not yet happening. So, I AM winning, see-saw wise, with
cancer remaining in the identified areas, but the disease continues to progress.
I'll be
honest, although I want to celebrate the lack of metastasis, I'm very much
aware that the primary locations remain in control. Yes, there IS more that I
can do to control my environment. But, it's tough to remember that I'm sick -
very sick... & that I could fall off of the cliff at the drop of a hat!
It's still hard to actually come to terms with that fact! I feel absolutely
fine, with no symptoms at all; I look fine - I have no degeneration from either
the cancer or from the oral chemo that I'm taking 3 times daily - no nausea, no
hair loss! It's a challenge to act like a sick person when you have no outward
symptoms! I can't see it, I can't see any proof of it, but I know that it's
there... that ticking time bomb.
I KNOW
cancer's a sneaky bastard! I have to walk a fine line between enjoying my
current - symptom-free - health & remembering that I'm a terminal cancer
patient. Tick... tick.. tick. There's no "remission" in store for me.
It's a matter of negotiating with my body in an effort to reduce the risk
factors & buy myself some time. That's my ultimate goal - just buying
myself some time; changing months into years. It's THAT simple, & it's
still a crap-shoot.
We leave in
the morning for Mexico, & I'll confer with the team while there. If there's
anything new to report, I will. This trip will only be for the vaccines - the
ultimate warriors in the fight to hold the invaders at bay. It's a healing
place, a calm place; a refuge against temptation & denial. We'll be
wifi-active & my phone, with the same number, has now been restored. In
this stress-free environment, I'm bringing a suitcase with 2017 tax paperwork
with the goal of getting THAT all culminated for forwarding to my accountant!
Doing so will be a big relief!
Remember as
you read this that I'm one of the fortunate, & very rare, ones! I learned
of this cancer thing all by accident less than a year ago! A tiny spot on a
bronchitis chest x-ray got our attention enough to look again, do biopsies
& Scans, & to then see that there was cancer present - not just in the
lung but also in my lymph nodes & my liver. There are NO symptoms, so it
could have continued to grow - undetected. Untreated, I know that it would have
spread & killed me by last September as was predicted. I see it all the
time... spouses & friends who had absolutely no idea that there anything
brewing under the surface. Then, BOOM! - the hammer drops, with no warning,
& it's too late... nothing can be done! Having had just weeks from
diagnosis to death, sometimes spent in ICU while the immediate circles remain
shocked in disbelief & heartbreak!
As always,
I dearly thank you all for accompanying me on this ride! Your love &
support have truly been my backbone! You lift me up in SO, SO many ways! You
have NO IDEA how much you all mean to me - really! You're an integral part of
my story & my life! I'm so very grateful! Thank you!
- Gayle -
